Emotional Intelligence & Non-violent Communication

Kelowna's first STOP group has seven participants, all of whom will finish the program. All seem to be gaining some benefit, though one man is obviously struggling with literacy issues. We (Bill and I) have tried to make the evenings as interactive as possible, getting the men to move around the room, using practical illustrations and exercises. 

In Units 5-8, we built on a foundation of Self-talk and meaning making. All of the men were given the each unit in advance of the coming week's group, and all figured out after the first session that they'd better read/review the unit because we DON'T read it, or go through the information in a linear fashion. This has resulted in some really interesting and productive discussions centering around the application of the information in a practical way.

In addition to the information in the units, we've added illustrations and pages from www.getselfhelp.co.uk (free downloadable resources, most of which are relevant to this group); www.compassionatemind.org (great exercises for developing a positive sense of Self); and these two videos (Drama triangle https://youtu.be/ovrVv_RlCMw and Locating Yourself https://youtu.be/fLqzYDZAqCI). 

In the pictures, the men are participating in a mindreading exercise (yellow postits); and an exercise based on the non-violent communication model of Observations; Feelings; Need; Request. The exercise is "Seven Desires of the Heart" by Mark Laaser and modified by Bill for group use. This process sparked a lively discussion about the differences between 'expectations' 'demands' and 'requests.' Productive for most of the men, triggering for a few. :)

The group has become quite cohesive, correcting and challenging each other when appropriate, and Bill has managed the role of coach really effectively. I teach/facilitate the learning process, and he coaches by challenging the language used, the dichotomy between words & actions, and the sometimes evident discomfort with my teaching style or data presentation. Members are past the point of "best behaviour" so Bill and I have had some mentally and emotionally exhausting evenings, providing containment. We're hoping we're modeling assertive communication while challenging the misconceptions and errors of attribution but some nights we're not sure how successful we were.

So far, this has been an exciting and satisfying process. The program is stellar and solid, and it's been fun (really) to work through it.

*photo here* I can't seem to upload either photo, so you'll just have to use your imagination (photos used with permission of course.)

 Susannah-Joy (and Bill)

Continue reading
1748 Hits

Spring STOP Sessions

We had our intro to STOP this evening and the attendance was quite good. We had 14 men come and start the journey to self discovery and healthy relationships. We are proud to host this program and all these men! There is a broad spectrum of age, culture and backgrounds. I am excited to start and look forward to the rest of the sessions.

The First Unit, What is Abuse went well. The group numbers went from 14 to 11 with one absentee. The group covered what is abuse and we found this group to be pretty good at identifying the different types of abuse, in the past we found psychological and spiritual lacking but not this time. The guys were able to come up with examples of all of the categories of abuse, very impressive. We heard through the check out that they were excited to begin this process and were happy to be able to express themselves with men who are experiencing the same things.

Continue reading
Recent comment in this post
Susannah-Joy Schuilenberg
We are continuously called to remind the men in the Kelowna group that violence is not just physical. Several members have struggl... Read More
Sunday, 12 March 2017 20:03
1125 Hits
1 Comment

Great Program

I had the honour of being a co-facilitator a few years ago and it was an amazing experience both as a facilitator and as a woman learning the insides of domestic violence through a male's perception.
I saw men come in as victims of their past or victims of labels placed upon them, walk out as warriors who wanted to make a difference in their lives as well as thier family and others. I witnessed first hand multiple changes in both the men and their partners who joined in with the ladies groups.
This program is not an anger management program. It is not a program to "fix" you. The Stop program is designed to educate and provide different skills, perceptions and cognitive challenges to allow personal growth to all who attend.
I would welcome the opportunity to work within this program again and many of the individuals that require further counselling afterwards. A great program!
Continue reading
930 Hits


Hello my name is Wayne Hughes and I am currently co-facilitating our STOP program in Prince George. I am proud of the work we do here and I hope you are proud of the work you do. Please feel free to blog your expereinces facilitating or working with men and women involved in abuse and domestic violence.

Continue reading
Recent comment in this post
I encourage everyone to join the community and start journalling your experience
Thursday, 23 February 2017 21:03
1591 Hits
1 Comment
Back to top